The years went on, i got married, had my twin girls, bought a house and life was good... yet, i didn't feel complete. I always felt as though something was missing from my life. My creative outlet was simply not fulfilled and it was an awful feeling. I knew someday I'd find my passion but until then i wondered what it might possibly be. My thoughts and emotions were a bit all over the place. I began following a blogger Love, Maegan whose style i really enjoyed! I looked forward to her daily posts and felt happy when exciting things happened to her! Then one day i thought... hey, that's it!!!! I can BLOG!!! This was the ideal situation because it allowed me to use a creative voice and style that was all mine! I didn't have a boss or someone telling me how i should post or what content i needed to share. This was mine... all mine! A place for me to be me! I wanted my blog's title to have the word 'mommy' in it because i am very proud of that title. Yet i wanted people to know that it was a fashion blog so i came up with Fashion Maven... Mommy. I wanted the title to be a bit cheeky... though I'm not sure it comes across that way. This is why i opted for the three dots after the word 'maven'.
The day i wrote my first post i felt this sense of relief. I could at last exhale because I'd finally found my outlet. There was only one problem... one that halted my vision for a fashion blog... my weight! My entire life i struggled with my weight. I remember as early as 12 years of age, hiding in my parents' room because they had company over and had cheesecake on the table. I knew that i shouldn't have it because i was a big girl. So i cried... sobbed really... for years and years. In college i was at my thinnest. I also barely ate and exercised for hours daily. A couple of years after i got married did IVF and had a horrible pregnancy that required me to be on bed rest. I was heavy and swollen. After my girls were born, my weight struggles intensified. I have been on every diet you can possibly think of. Name one, and most likely I've tried it. Truth is, I'd loose 10-15lbs and then i stalled. I felt trapped in a body that i didn't think belonged to me. I looked in the mirror and didn't recognize the person that i saw. It was a sickening feeling. So my fashion blog became solely a beauty blog. I wanted to change the name to reflect that but some of you might remember the Allure Magazine Beauty Blogger Awards? Yes, i was a finalist (still feel so blessed for that amazing experience) and gained a decent following which meant that if i changed the URL of my blog, i might cause some confusion. So for the past four and a half years, I've been writing a beauty blog with a 'fashion' title. I hated that! I hated the fact that i couldn't fit into the beautiful clothes i admired even more! So i hid from the world. I posted my face here but there weren't many pictures from neck down because i felt too ashamed! Mainly because i didn't see that person in that massive vessel as myself! I was living in someone else's body because certainly it wasn't mine! Fast forward to January 20, 2016... after much research and contemplation, i decided to embark on a life changing journey. I had gastric sleeve surgery in hopes of getting back to a healthy weight. I've been documenting my journey via my YouTube Series Beneath The Surface if you're curious (see my before/after pics here). I didn't want to share too much of that on here because i figured you follow my blog for beauty and probably don't want to read this chick's rants about her weight. I get that! But on the same token, i feel that most of us women have struggled with weight at some point in our lives... whether it's the fact that we're overweight or even underweight. This is a topic many can relate to so hopefully you're receptive to it. Fast forward to today... I've lost a lot of weight and finally feel like myself! When i look in the mirror i see meeeeeee! I'm not super skinny, I'm not trying to look like a model, but i am thrilled to say that i finally feel like myself again! I'm so grateful for my journey because after four and a half years of writing a beauty blog with a fashion name I'm happy to report that I'm putting the 'fashion' exactly where it belongs! Along with the usual beauty posts you're accustomed to seeing, you will also see outfit posts. I'm beyond excited to be doing this! This is my dream and while i want to say that it completes the journey, i can't quite do that. I am excited to see where this new chapter leads me! For now, I'm hoping that you enjoy these new changes as much as I'm enjoying creating them for you. You may notice that the header photos have changed and are reflective of this new chapter.! I'm beyond excited!
Also, i wanted to share that I'm thrilled to have made it to round two of the Pacifica Muse contest!!! Oh my gosh! What an honor! I'm working on my round 2 video which will be live on Wednesday! I will need your help because your vote will count BIG TIME! You can vote three times per day for the span of 7 days. Please vote (starting Wednesday, August 24th) and help me spread the word. This is such a dream... I'd be thrilled to continue through to the next round! As always, thank you for your continued support! I know this post was a bit long but i felt it was important to reflect on the past four and a half years as well as the direction of the blog. I owe that to my loyal readers! Xo, Carla